Beady Eye - Different Gear, Still Speeding 39/100

Everybody has owned a pair of shoes at some point in their life that appeared dressy, but upon further review look like absolute shit. No doubt that large amounts of polish, clothing from Gap or Banana Republic and a nice belt can counteract their awful presence. Eventually your mother or girlfriend gathers the gusto to criticize them at Thanksgiving dinner. At some point in time you just admit their repugnance and toss them away with all the other refuse. Why waste your time with cheap knock-offs trying so desperately to be the real thing?

Many influences have been tossed around leading up to the release of Different Gear, Still Speeding but the band failed to mention their most important one: Dr. Seuss. Typical missed swings such as "I'm hiding out in the sun/I'm getting everyone done/Just me hating no one/Here I come, here I come, here I come" from "The Roller" seem more fitting for a junior high Facebook status update or Gavin DeGraw album. "Wigwam" follows the same blueprint with its empty take on romance: "You're taking off in the night/You're coming in when it's light/You make it up to the wife/You say you're wrong when you're right." Perhaps they saved Sesame Street for the introspective sophomore release.

This album suffers immensely from the absence of former Oasis bandleader Noel Gallagher. Every song drifts into a forgettable mash of boring without his keen sense of melody, ability to produce a guitar riff and knack for slight, but effective tempo changes. The surviving members attempt to slug through 60's pop rock and arena balladry for uninteresting results. Only the distinct sneer of singer Liam Gallagher saves "Kill For A Dream" from being mistaken with the gutless, overproduced movie-rock of 3 Doors Down. The aptly titled "Standing On The Edge Of Noise" pulsates relentlessly and the lo-fi vocal effects serve as a detriment to an otherwise sturdy frontman.

The biggest offender of the lot is the dreadful "Beatles & Stones." Only a band with a complete lack of dignity would pass this tune off while simultaneously claiming "I'm gonna stand the test of time like Beatles & Stones." Irony often gets overused in modern rock, but a dose of some would have made this boastful clunker land with less of a thud. The previously mentioned "Wigwam" parallels its dreadful lyrics with music similar to any Bread AM rock radio hit from the mid-70's. Yet somehow Beady Eye outdo themselves on "The Beat Goes On," shamelessly pillaging The Beatles' "All You Need Is Love" for a melody and leaving all substance behind with the carnage.

Undoubtedly this album will find its niche among pub dwellers more interested in punching each other during halftimes of rugby matches than the legacy of rock music. Maybe certain tracks will even temporarily find their way onto college frathouse playlists alongside "Wonderwall" and "Live Forever." So be it. But for those desiring a little more out of their music than guys dressed in designer leather jackets and sunglasses on the back cover of an album, spend your time elsewhere and avoid Beady Eye. Match those duds with a great pair of shoes instead.